A performance of the song is available at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeyA4Z6aDCw The HAZCOM Song I strolled into receiving one dry cold sunny day Packages and boxes in total disarray They had no HMIS labels or identifying marks I got out of there with the BOOM BOOM BOOM to avoid the sparks. I got out of there with the BOOM BOOM BOOM to avoid the sparks. When I entered the labor force I had no Hazcom smarts All around the flammables I would play lawn darts Didn’t know the government had a master plan To label nasty bottles and leave Afghanistan To label nasty bottles and leave Afghanistan Hazardous Materials Identification System It sure is a mouthful but you better lesson Substances must be labeled at your place of work A legal responsibility that you cannot shirk A legal responsibility that you cannot shirk. Hazcom became a law in the 1980’s Reagan was the bossman and I was making babies The main focus is the worker’s right to know So everything is labeled from head right down to toe Yes, everything is labeled from head right down to toe. Hazcom written programs list precautionary measures First aid procedures and other sordid treasures Risk phrases are shown like may explode if held Highly irritating like Newman on Seinfeld Highly irritating like Newman on Seinfeld The Fire Guys use diamonds The painters all use bars E.T. used a Speak and Spell when labeling on Mars No matter the state you’re in – Solid, Liquid, Gas Learn the hazard symbols from Alaska down to Mass Learn the hazard symbols from Alaska down to Mass OSHA has created a rich vocabulary There’s even an icon if you can’t eat dairy Lethal dose 50 and pH play a role Hey! Affix them to my wife’s tuna casserole! Hey! Affix them to my wife’s tuna casserole! Hazards can enter your body in many ways Like absorption – soaking in mayonnaise What? You think that problem is rather small? Imagine the increase in your cholesterol. Imagine the increase in your cholesterol. We keep MSDS in binders and online You know what to do if you’re drenched in turpentine Consult MSDS, take the correct action. Workplace safety is concrete, not an abstraction. Workplace safety is concrete, not an abstraction. Women of Wooster, Men of Montana State Learn the rules know so we can celebrate At the xmas party, show off what you know And you might get a great big kiss under HMISletoe Yes you will get a great big kiss under HMISletoe So what was the boom boom boom It is fair to ask. Handling it should you wear goggles and a mask? Read the Hazcom programs, they’ll tell you every time It was my Granny’s chicken soup and that’s my final rhyme. It was my Granny’s chicken soup and that’s my final rhyme.

See the music video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVyeBSmA6BA Won’t Start Texting 400 chickens and a pig Packed inside my half ton rig Drive these goods from east to west Concentrate and do my best CHORUS: Won’t start texting Resisting that temptation Eyes on the road To my destination Distracted driving grinds my gears Increases stress increases fears Send your texts before you drive Get to point b safe and alive Won’t start texting Resisting that temptation Eyes on the road To my destination The guy beside me picked his nose There's a woman without clothes That hitchhiker's got an axe Should have stayed home and sent a fax Won’t start texting Resisting that temptation Eyes on the road To my destination So many things to see and do While I shlep this mobile zoo Flashing billboard, neon lights, Road construction, barroom fights Won’t start texting Resisting that temptation Eyes on the road To my destination Before I hop into the truck I trim my beard, eyebrows I pluck Clip my nails, drink feine extractions Minimize all my distractions Won’t start texting Resisting that temptation Eyes on the road To my destination My cellphone has caller id So I hear who’s wanting me If it’s Jay Lo I let it ring Cause careful driving is my thing Won’t start texting Resisting that temptation Eyes on the road To my destination Made it to point B from A Dumped my load in San Jose Left the truck and stretched my legs Then enjoyed bacon and eggs Won’t start texting Resisting that temptation Eyes on the road to my destination

Music Video is at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5yjhO5AaXc The WHMIS Warble I strolled into receiving one dry cold sunny day Packages and boxes in total disarray They had no WHMIS labels Or identifying marks I got out of there with that boom boom boom to avoid the sparks I got out of there with that boom boom boom to avoid the sparks When I entered the labor force I had no WHMIS smarts All around the flammables I would play lawn darts Didn’t know the government had a master plan To label nasty bottles and leave Afghanistan To label nasty bottles and leave Afghanistan Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System It sure is a mouthful But you better listen Substances must be labeled at your place of work It’s a legal responsibility that you cannot shirk It’s a legal responsibility that you cannot shirk WHMIS became a law in the 1980’s Mulroney was the PM and I was making babies The main focus is The worker’s right to know So everything is labeled, from head right down to toe Yes everything is labeled, from head right down to toe Supplier labels list precautionary measures First aid procedures and other sordid treasures Risk phrases are shown like may explode if held Highly irritating, like Newman on Seinfeld Highly irritating, like Newman on Seinfeld Workplace labels don’t need as much detail But still give instructions if the safeguards fail Product’s i.d. is printed with good inks And notice should be given if the compound stinks And notice should be given if the compound stinks Material Safety Data Sheets contain 9 sections Listing ingredients and safety directions They must be updated every third year I guess battery acid could turn into root beer I guess battery acid could turn into root beer We keep MSDS in binders and online You know what to do if you’re drenched in turpentine Consult MSDS, take the correct action Workplace safety is concrete, not an abstraction Workplace safety is concrete, not an abstraction WHMIS icons are arranged alphabetically you know Class A - compressed gas from a breakfast burrito Class E – corrosive from high molarity F - dangerously reactive like Brad Pitt and Jolie F - dangerously reactive like Brad Pitt and Jolie Class B is combustible like gasoline. C ‘s an oxidizer like oxygen or bromine Store B and C together, you better leave these parts Cuz you might get a boom boom boom that is off the charts Yes, you might get a boom boom boom that is off the charts Class D refers to poisons, toxic things D3 is biohazardous - deep-fried onion rings D1’s immediate serious effects – that sucks And D2 is the sequel to the Mighty Ducks And D2 is the sequel to the Mighty Ducks Now WHMIS has a rich vocabulary There’s even a symbol if you can’t eat dairy Terms like Lethal Dose 50 and pH play a role Hey! Affix them to my wife’s tuna casserole Hey! Affix them to my wife’s tuna casserole Hazards can enter your body in many ways Like absorption- soaking in mayonnaise What? You think that problem is rather small. Imagine the increase in your cholesterol. Imagine the increase in your cholesterol. Women of WHMIS. Men of MSDS Learn the rules now, avoid a legal mess At the xmas party, show off what you know And you might get a great big kiss under WHMISletoe And you might get a great big kiss under WHMISletoe FRENCH VERSE goes here So, what was the boom boom boom It is fair to ask Handling it- should you wear goggles and a mask? Read the WHMIS labels , they’ll tell you every time It was my Baba’s chicken soup and that’s my final rhyme It was my Baba’s chicken soup and that’s my final rhyme

The Jones Jive Verse 1: My house is full of Radon My yard's a toxic sludge I lost three teeth while eating A piece of chocolate fudge Got Eschericia Coli From some imported meat Don’t quite know what I got from A public toilet seat Verse 2: My wife and I got tickets Dodgers against the Reds Who would have thunk a baseball Would bounce off both our heads Now I have got a headache The wife’s had one for years We are not happy campers We're crying in our beers CHORUS Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn Any injury - Jones will look after me Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all Serving the U.S. with integrity Verse 3: Was in the health food section Of the new supermart Picked up some bran and barley Because I’m eating smart Looking for the quinoa Slipped on some broken eggs Increased my fibre intake But damaged both my legs Verse 4: California volleyball Is my favourite sport But I never knew a dig Would land me in state court A dirty washed-up needle Jabbed through my ulnar veins I need some compensation For these new aches and pains CHORUS Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn Any injury - Jones will look after me Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all Serving the U.S. with integrity Verse 5: I was taking photos Of a humungous bear He suddenly attacked me And grabbed me by my hair Ow! - It was just a hobby But now I am so bald Park Rangers did not help me While I was getting mauled Verse 6: I hopped into a go-kart At the amusement park The brakes malfunctioned - and The friction caused a spark I smashed into the railing The cart burst into flame I need to file a lawsuit I need to make a claim CHORUS Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn Any injury - Jones will look after me Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all Serving the U.S. with integrity Verse 7 A big box store just installed My Giant Screen TV Relaxing on the sofa Reruns of The OC The mounting brackets failed It all crashed on my knee Hey! Where is Sandy Cohen And where's my warranty Verse 8: Was sporting my cool baggies For a fun surfing trip But on the wavy ocean It’s tough to keep my grip Yikes! The surfboard just dissolved Must be a design flaw A shark has just appeared and He’s got an open jaw CHORUS Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn Any injury - Jones will look after me Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all Serving the U.S. with integrity Verse 9: While riding my dune buggy Through the hot desert sand The seatbelt overtightened Squeezed out my prostate gland Now all my plumbing's broken It's very hard to pee I need restitution for My personal injury Verse 10: I'm not a lion tamer Or Human cannonball Don't bungee jump off bridges Or climb the BerlinWall I don’t take risks that might Give me a heart attack But for the unexpected Jones, I'm glad you've got my back. CHORUS Crash and burn - To Jones Group I will turn Any injury - Jones will look after me Slip or fall, Jones Law Group does it all Serving the U.S. with integrity Serving the U.S. with integrity

Here are the lyrics to my song about child car seat installation and use. A youtube music video is at http://youtu.be/k01wpRYi-eo With Restraints Cuddly new infant, A first time parent Many decisions, Anxiety Bottle or Breastfed, Crib or family bed One thing’ s for certain, car seat safety Chorus: Get the Guide, TheScottish Good Egg Safety Guide Keeps my kid safe on the ride With restraints, With restraints, With restraints, Oh yeah Porridge or haggis, Organic or process Daycare or recess, I don’t have a clue Ballet or yoga, onesie or toga Thank goodness the egg guide tells me what to do Chorus: Nappies or diapers, Drummersor pipers Boosters or buckets, what does the kid weigh Front seat or back seat, The egg guide can’t be beat Click protectchild.co.uk Final Chorus

The nusic video is at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmEo6xmaWDo Selleck had a lip tickler / When acting as Magnum P.I. Einstein sported some bristles / While looking at starts in the sky Ned Flanders had upper lip plumage / +that wrestler oh what's his name? Hulk Hogan! Right! Lanny McDonald had a big one / When he played as a Calgary Flame Chorus: Grow a muzzy in Movember / Give Prostate Canada cash Changing the face of men's health / It starts with a little moustache Snidely Whiplash had a handlebar / And a dastardly black hat Some dictators also had staches / But let's not sing about that The prostate's the size of a walnut / Embedded in a tangled mess It's sort of hard to locate / Unless you've got a good GPS Chorus: The prostate secretes a white fluid / Mixes with sperm like a gravy Comprising 30% of semen / The rest comes from Canadian Navy Chorus: The prostate guides the urine / In the right direction It has other important functions / So go for early detection Yes, once you are over forty / And I'm not trying to be crass You better have a good doctor / Put a finger right up your bum Final Chorus:

I am the very model of a modern science teacher I guide my students from the side and never play the preacher I foster their discoveries and teach them to inquire And ask high order questions that are certain to inspire. I build my class community with many an icebreaker I honor student cultures be they Buddhist Sikh or Quaker I always do assessments be they formative or summative I follow all directives even when I think they’re dumb-ative. I teach for understanding and I plan my lessons backwardly I do cool demonstrations though at times I do them awkwardly In short in all the ways that I could ever think to feature I am the very model of the modern science teacher. In short in all the ways that he could ever think to feature He is the very model of the modern science teacher. I always differentiate yet have high expectations I teach at a UNESCO school as in United Nations I am a strong proponent of much interdisciplinarity I tell some jokes so I maintain a feeling of hilarity. I know the ways to motivate both extra and intrinsic I know a dozen rhymes for the words intra and extrinsic I always team with colleagues and am happy to collaborate And if you really care I would be happy to elaborate. There’s lesson plans and unit plans and on-line simulations Constructivist approaches with their deep investigations These are my teaching methods, some are basic some are classy, And there may be many others but they haven’t come to Massey. These are his teaching methods some are basic some are classy And there may be many others but they haven’t come to Massey!